Woke Up When September Ended

Good morning my dear friends,

I hope you have been well! It's definitely been a hot minute - I think most of you who have been following me for a long time knows that August and September kind of escapes me a bit. Those are two months that usually bring me a lot of grief and pondering - past events, getting older, and the like :D

I used to love the Green Day song, Wake Me Up When September Ends, so I thought that would be an apt way to name this post, please don't mind me putting an age to myself. These past couple of months definitely feels like a blur - I've been pretty busy with work, and also my mind and emotions have been all over the place! Also, I've been on a journey to detox my body of caffeine so that I can get to a place where I have a more healthy one-cup-a-day-max relationship with coffee. For reference, I was at about 8 cups a day. Withdrawal symptoms are very real, and my respect for those who have been able to quit from other drugs or bad habits have gone up so much. I had a coffee-free weekend, but I felt myself get hit with some withdrawal symptoms last night. I'm going to try and get to a place where I can be completely coffee free for a full month before I re-introduce myself to a little bit, so it's definitely still an ongoing journey!

Thank you so much everyone for all the love and support you sent my way after my last post. I was very moved by how many of you shared from your own experiences and thankful for those who have kept me accountable throughout these last couple of months to remain positive and keep looking forward and towards the cross, rather than back at the world.

I definitely see God healing a lot of my childhood wounds through my new family - I mentioned before that one of the things that hurt me so badly was my family never celebrating me. It wasn't about the gifts, cake, or money, but moreso about the desire to spend time together and celebrate. I grew up hearing that my birthday was not worthy of being celebrated because my mother had to go into labor, and that was painful for her. I never really felt wanted, just an inconvenience that she had to go through as a rite of passage as a woman. But my parents-in-law sent me money from afar for my birthday, my sister-in-law who lived further away sent money and told Jonathan to be sure to celebrate me, and my other sisters-in-law in the area took Jonathan and I out to celebrate, and even got me a cake! Aside from my dad, I've never felt so wanted and like I belonged in my family, and just that simple act of being celebrated made me feel so loved.

And throughout this time, God reminded me to reach out to one of my friends that I haven't quite kept in contact with (no bad blood, I just am really bad at reaching out to people). It turned out this friend was going through a struggle at the time, and we were able to have our long talks through the evening, just like we used to, as though we just went through a bit of a pause in our conversations. Through the struggles of this friend, God revealed to me His faithfulness in my life as some of the things this friend was going through paralleled some of my past hurts. It was a very stark reminder that regardless of how dark times are, we have the light in Him. Being able to walk with my friend through that time was also a reminder that God was walking with me as I went through my parallel situation. My friend is doing better - still in healing, and it's a been such a blessing to be able to be a part of her healing journey. Not of myself, but because God gave me a similar situation so that I can be empathetic, patient, and understanding. Also, just the timing of God to put it in my heart to reach out to her was perfect - my friend said that right after the situation came about, I texted her! I know that there are no coincidences - not in true crime, and not in God's timing.

God is so clear and intentional about the paths He takes us, and even as I cry out about things I want and petition for them, I know He hears. And sometimes, that's something He will grant, but other times, He just has something better that He's teaching us to trust Him for. I have been praying so hard for a better relationship with my mom and sister, and to feel loved in my family - and He brought me another family to heal my pains. Maybe eventually, one day, I'll be able to have a better relationship with my biological family, but I am so glad to be a part of my new family.

What are some ways that God has answered your prayers unconventionally?